HALF A CENTURY

Already 50 years have passed, fifty years in this country, now my country….In 1961 from Tunisia to one year in the south of France , then Paris, the university,  and my travels all over the world (hitchhiking) searching for an identity, but did I really find it? I was always going back to Paris, not richer in money but so much richer in experiences acquired in meeting so many different people of so many different ethnicities … One day , I will write about my travels in Africa, in Asia ( Especially in Nepal and Afghanistan),  in all Europe.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

In 1963 while a student (I was 19),  I had some experiences as an actor in a few  theaters like ‘’LE THEATRE DES AMANDIERS “ in Nanterre where my university was located . With theater I found the best way to find myself as a person and for the next few  years persisted in this adventure...                                           Yes, to act was the only way to find myself and to know really who I was! To be inside the life of a fictional persona was the only time when I did not need to act, protected by the character I could be myself and be totally involved, while in life I had to act to exist and to be somebody , I had to protect myself by never giving the real MOI, afraid of the possible negative consequences.                                              In being a character in a play, on stage,  I used my personal experiences, my personal traumas, my personal victories, and defeats…. Yes, I had an equivalent in my life for all the situations in the play, and using it was  the best way to find some peace, to find some balance, to BE…                                                                                                                                               

Actually I realize that this way has been present all my life and even when I replaced the acting by the directing I was still using my life, my personal memories, my relations with others… Even if sometimes , I was considered as too demanding or difficult.

Yes, 50 years ago in September 1970, I am an actor in Paris , or more exactly I need to be an actor to exist, to find my truth  and make sense of my life… For the past few years I have been haunting the casting television studios and go to every audition possible in all the theaters in Paris, sometimes I have luck and I am cast. After dreaming of becoming a great famous actor in France, I actually became a young one like thousands of them, a dreamer who tried to behave like an adult with a sense of responsibilities and who actually is searching for a possible truth… I had the fortune to work as an actor with very famous theater masters like Jean Louis Barrault and Tania Balachova… Very soon I became a member of the professional acting studio of Tania Balachova in Paris where I became her assistant and started to direct . For the next few years  I performed many, many roles in plays by Chekov, Moliere, Musset, Pirandello, Beckett, Ionesco, Sartre, Camus, Pinter, Brecht, Arrabal,   in different theaters in Paris and on tour all over France and even foreign countries… I was also dubbing foreign movies.…                                                                                                                                                                 

I am 26 years old and one day, while wandering in Montparnasse, I meet my old friend from the university Robert … I have not seen him in many years since he is now living in New York, he his half American, his father is an American Jew who does not want to be that, and his mother an Italian catholic who wants to be it… He was born in Morocco since his father was a lawyer  for the American army there, then they came to live in Paris and finally  his entire family went back to live in the states. My dear friend Robert who died 2 years ago, how much I miss you and your humor and your generosity…. You were one of the few who knew Bernard the man and Bernard the actor…                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  We meet in the street and see each other , with so much joy, so much affection, we rush to sit at a café and talk about the last few years of our life….He was going every summer to Middlebury college in Vermont to finish his PhD. in French…and loved the place…

-Bernard  you should come to the states and teach in Vermont.

- Teach? Teach what?

-Theater, literature, whatever you want.

- But Robert, I never taught before except for 6 months in a school of delinquents because it was near the television studio and also because I could deal with the delinquents.

- But Bernard, you have the credentials and you should apply, they hire every summer somebody to teach literature and to direct plays with the students…I promised to you, they will hire you, you are exactly what they want and like.

-Robert, I am not sure I can do that.

-Bernard, did you change??? What happened to you? Is the loss of your father and your brother a few years ago creating a new Bernard?

-What do you mean? I answered.

- I remember when we were students, you taught me that life is a perpetual challenge, and sometimes when opportunities are presented to us, we have to go for it with no hesitation, you called that “TRAINS ARE PASSING” and you added  when trains are given to us, we cannot let them go… So, did you change? A beautiful train is passing for you, go for it!

- Robert, you are right, no, I have not changed, I still take the passing trains , and even sometimes with no sense of possible bad consequences, I still do it… I have done it all my life and did not change… What is the name of the person I have to be in touch with??

He gave me the name, and I called and I took an appointment and met with the director of the school … I was hired on the spot to go for the following  summer to direct plays with students and to teach French literature. I took the train and Middlebury college summer school started a new life , I went back for 11 summers, and also accepted teaching positions at Wellesley college, Sarah Laurence college, and Mount Holyoke…

In 1973, the French consul was visiting Middlebury school and convinced me to try a  French theater company in the USA.  The following fall I arrived in Boston with a valise and created the French theater in Boston which became after 2 years the French Theater in America. Some of my French friends join me in Boston, we were giving around 100 performances a year and I was the director, the leading actor, the administrator, the driver of the van, the lighting designer, the guy who picks up the programs in the intermission to re-use them and save money, etc....that FOLIE went on until 1981...

A very important train.

In the fall of 1981, Sarah Caldwell director of Opera Boston was producing Faust by Gounod with original dialogues in French and she invited me to direct the dialogues scenes, after a few days , she asked me if I could help to stage the entire production and I said yes... I had never been to an opera in my life and did not read music... but I LOVED IT...

A very important train.

After that experience I  was asked to direct Pagliacci for the Lake George Festival. In the summer 82, I learned how to read a vocal score! A few months later I directed for Detroit , Philadelphia etc...

So in 1982/83 season I directed 5 productions and soon I became totally involved in opera and stopped the French theater in America.

Very important trains.

Many more trains were passing in the following years, some incredibly appealing! Tulsa opera, Montreal opera offering me to become general and artistic director of the company when I had been in the business of opera for only 4 and 5 years and knew really very little about it! And it went on for the years to come…. Yes, I know, I had been lucky to have these trains passing, and to be able to guess that I could take them and even more to have the people in charge of the trains believing in my possibilities… Sometimes, we do not recognize the train , or we are not aware of it, so, we have to be vigilant and keep our mind open to all potentialities…

Some people can call that way to be an opportunist, here is a definition of opportunism: the art, policy, or practice of taking advantage of opportunities or circumstances often with little regard for principles or consequences.                                                                                                                                                                    We have to be careful and continue to have regard for principles and consequences, especially if we are looking for trains in everyday life and not only for our profession… Yes, trains are passing for all aspects of human relations, and even for our choices in friendship and life companions…   

And what if we take a wrong train?  A train going in the opposite direction that our aim in life! Yes that can happen , we have to keep our mind open and always be ready to jump of it, and continue the search…Even  bad train can bring good memories and a very important item: experience of what is bad for us…                                                                                                                                               Fifty incredible years, full of adventures, of encounters, of achievements…. Thank you theater, you made me happy…