I have received many, many comments on the blog
sent to me directly, many compliments and sometimes even revelations about
aspects of life for a few individuals.
Others comment that some posts are being
often sad, bitter or sound as coming from a depressed soul and these people
worry about me, asking If I am all right, if all is ok.
Most of the comments about sadness come from people
of my generation and not from the younger one, why?
Is it that the twilight of life generates fear?
This twilight, darker by the day, becomes more somber, denser. Are we older
people still able to think?
Can we still distinguish what is true, the meaning
of truth, or even the nonsense of today life? We are hanging on lost moments,
which cannot be recaptured... we feel that our creative forces are disappearing,
are welting, are lost in pathetic daily routines.
Why do we believe that everything can or must last forever?
Hours, days, years pass so fast and appear to be different and yet are still
the same…
Was that sad, bitter, depressed enough?
Let me go on, so I can explain.
Do we go to rehearsals asking ourselves the reason
of our presence, or the meaning of our absence in every day life?
We aspire to be number one, the "I do not know
what" that everybody reveres and we succeed in being only a semblance of
our desire, the approximation of a mirage.
Are we becoming a machine that pours fake knowledge
for those who are " hungry for knowledge" artists around us...and
do they believe us?
They look at us and smile at the pleasure of being
connected to the one who knows, or smile politely thinking that they were told
to be good colleagues.
Was that sad, bitter, depressed enough?
Here comes a little more.
They look at me and wonder.
In the good cases: how does he know all this, where
does that come from, he has so much energy, he invents all the time, he creates
in a few minutes… they do not know, do not understand that everything is
prepared, chewed, digested by years of repeating the same ideas, the same truth
churned by an old mill serving cheap beer.
In the bad cases: I have to deal with this
character for three weeks, I am glad I know what I am doing, god help me to
endure the coming days, the end of this torture will be over soon.
I think I was enough of a sad, bitter, and
depressed soul. Some can now say "you see what I mean, I was right"
BUT THE REALITY IS:
I am not sad, I am not bitter, I am not a depressed
soul. I have to disagree with that, there is a difference between being depressed,
sad or bitter and being clear about the world we are in.
Everything has many possible approaches, many
possible interpretations, many possible ways of living it, many explanations.
The difficulty is to find OUR INDIVIDUAL TRUTH, OUR PATH, OUR SECRET KNOWLEDGE.
Yes, the dusk of life is sometimes frightening but
becomes exhilarating if we use it to share what we know, what we learn, what we
believe.
The creative forces are not melting: they are and should be channeled
in the right direction, the direction of helping those who need it.
Hours, days, years pass but are not the same, one
hour of total truth in a rehearsal, one day of giving is an accomplishment, one
year of knowing that the pyramid of our life is higher even one inch IS WORTH
IT.
We are not repeating the same ideas because ideas
are never the same; they become colored by the one who receive it.
We are not pouring fake knowledge over virgin
souls, we are giving our knowledge always adapted to the one who receives it.
And it is never the same.
They do not smile because they are connected to the
one who knows, they smile because they just found with our help another layer
inside them, another possibility for existence, another way of expressing a
moment, something they did not now about themselves or about the character.
They do not smile to be good colleagues but just
because they wait to see if this experience will be rewarding.
Yes, we create all the time because the others give
us enough to rethink, to relive, to reinvent what we know, it is an exchange, a
gift to each other, we feed each other by the mechanism of rehearsing, It is a
constant growing.
So many times we feel that a new light sends
meaning into a dark corner, even if we know this corner extremely well, because
the other, the director or the conductor or the performer opens himself to the
others.
Is there anywhere a bigger joy that living these moments?
When a chorus sings at the end of an ensemble
"Freedom" and all raise their hands and look up on that word and we tell them "why do you do
that? Is "freedom" in the air? Up in the sky? Or does freedom have a
different meaning for each of you?
Think about what Freedom means for you and let
yourself go! And suddenly 50 people bring to a word 50 possible feelings and
interpretation, and they are totally alive and the scene has an incredible
impact!
When Carmen uses the third person in talking about
herself, to really reach for her other self and her personal story to deliver a
specific line, it is chilling and NEVER the same thing. That creates a new
interpretation of the moment, a new interpretation of the same Carmen and we
made that happen!
Is anything more rewarding??
We are not pouring cheap beer, it is feeling what
somebody or a group can do, can feel, can express and showing them the result
of our assimilated knowledge, and they deliver it with their soul and heart and
the understanding of what we do, who we are, what we want and where we go
begins to grow again.
To do an opera 15 times, or to be at an information
desk to answer questions for 15 years is always a new adventure IF WE LET
PEOPLE EXPRESS THEMSELVES AND IF WE ARE READY TO RECONSIDER WHAT WE KNOW.
Memories of childhood, difficult experiences of
life expressing a pessimistic view on the world and society, criticism of others
do not come from sadness or bitterness or a depressed soul but from a human
being who is always trying to know himself better, to understand his actions,
to grow in a society in perpetual movement and evolution.
Somebody who wants to be an artist has to always
keep in mind and in front of him his failures and successes, his hesitations
and strong choices, his sorrows and joys, while he has to stay open to others,
ready to accept, willing to change his Credo if necessary, and always prompt to
give.
On the long way up to life, let's keep our spirit
open, let's try to look at the world with generosity and tenderness even if
sometimes it brings sadness or bitterness, we are after all HUMAN.
Yesterday was "Yom Kippour", in French
"Jour du Grand Pardon".
