QUESTIONING…….

 

 

Today is Saturday, the day of the Lord for my ancestors, these Hebrews who went through the world searching for the impossible and finding only very few answers ….So Saturday is the day of thoughts and questions about life and I am wondering if I missed opportunities to know, to understand, to advance in my being, to really think about the importance of human relations, love, friendship, search for knowledge and dreams of possible achievements ….… These days , in the incredible times we are living come to my mind and my failing memory this line of Albert Einstein:

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”

Yes, the important rule is Questioning! And these days in the world we are living , there are many questions we could or should ask.

 

I remember the day, a very long time ago when I believed I was already an adult and convinced that  I did not need anybody to help me to become ME,  I met a man who was different from all the other men I had met…He was in the same time serious and devoted to his work , full of humor, and always very careful not to hurt the feelings of other people….but he also had a very developed critical sense…He knew how to take risks but with the wisdom of an accomplished artist; he could laugh, make other people laugh but he was also capable with his stories to bring tears to the eyes of the people who were listening to him …He always was going to a positive point in a conversation, was listening to other opinions with an open mind   and was capable of staying impartial in dilemmas. And he was always asking questions about his life, our lives, our experiences, our next chapter.

Unfortunately, I did not have the chance to know him better, I was too busy with my personal headaches and my obsession to be successful as easily as possible.

 

These days , in the incredible times we are living I wish I could have known him better, and I feel every day that I want to be closer to his ways of thinking, I am trying to have my thoughts and my wishes influenced by his memory. We cannot live without dreams and  without hope. Dreams are the mirror of the past and  hope appeals the future.

 

I mentioned before that I have been silent for a long time and I apologize for it, these past few months have been extremely hard for all of us and I kept silent in order not to disturb anybody. I even kept silent for the few people who are still carrying me in their heart and their friendship. But actually, these past few months have been sometimes very surprising to me, since some people who I believed had forgotten my existence were in touch with me and asking about my life and my feelings…after 2 years of agony for me… I was so happy to have these former friends contacting me and proving by their action that they were still friends and caring; it has been a huge comfort on my wounds. Sometimes , actually always, it is imperative to stay in touch with the ones we were close to at one point, especially if they go through difficult times in their personal life, let us not be judgmental, let us not be ignoring their pains or  their difficulties.                                                                                                                                    

Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.

 

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of beauty is not ugliness, it is indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it is indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, but indifference between life and death.”  Elie Wiesel

 

I look at the world around me and I am wondering why we have changed so much!!!! The world is not full of little devils anymore, the little devils are now ugly builders of schemes, with the desire to become the one who will lie all the way to the top of the Pyramid from where they will contemplate the crumbling world with a satisfied eye… Too often , they do not realize that Pyramids become also ruins if they do not take care of the stones…We are surrounded by mobs trying to find the worst in everybody, and every possible gambit can be good to achieve the destruction of somebody else; Everybody now is a self- created  witness of events, and become the judge of people they do not even know and too often the social medias perpetuate it. We have to learn  to keep Hate and Anger for later in times, the time will come , but not now.   There are no rules anymore, no decency, no restraint, no self-control, no NOTHING.

 

SO? WHAT TO DO? I DO NOT KNOW or I DO NOT KNOW ANYMORE or I HAD NEVER KNOWN…

                                                                                  

 But we have to continue to be for the ones who believe in us, for the ones we love and who love us. These people justify the absurdity of our time, even if we can count on one hand the ones  who really can…really can what??? WHO KNOWS??? or I DO NOT KNOW or I HAD NEVER KNOWN…                                                                                 

What happened to our dreams of happiness for an equal society full of life and  aspirations? We were supposed to reach the NIRVANA, this stillness of mind after the fires of desire, aversion and delusion have been extinguished. What happened to the spirit of the last decades? When we decided to rebuild the world for total harmony and total understanding of others! We were working hand in hand with the older generation using their knowledge and them using our vitality. My teachers, in university and in theater, were so close to us, we were friends, companions, and dreamers together. We made plans to bring to society: balance, equality, dreams, and happiness. No conflict of generation was involved in this collaboration. We trusted them and they trusted us, we needed them and they needed us to continue to advance in the search for a possible discovery in life and in the arts.

 

My heart is heavy, heavy to know too much , or not to know enough, life went so fast, and now the emptiness around me is an abyss, and too many people contemplate solitude these days and are devastated… After my escape from Tunis and my desertion from Paris and after the travels all over the world, when I decided it was time to change my ways of looking at the shattered sky, I decided that it was time to try to be real, to try to forget the tragedies and  I wrapped myself in a whirlwind of activities… I have been a teacher, an actor on stage and in movies, the head of a theater company, an opera director, a scenic and lighting designer, the director of an opera company, a librettist, I did everything involving theater or stage crafts. Questioning myself and questioning everybody and everything, sometimes too much and building the reputation to be a difficult person.

 Too many people believe that life is what it is …I do not… I do not believe in fate, I do not believe in destiny, I believe we can change the world by looking at it a different way, by giving new interpretations of it, by remodeling it…Yes, everybody believes he has good reasons to be who he is, to believe what he wants, to act according to his desires.

 BUT ALWAYS WE HAVE TO TRY TO KEEP PRESENT IN OUR MIND HONESTY AND UNDERSTANDING OF OTHERS, SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY, POSSIBLE JUDGEMENT BASED ON TRUE KNOWLEDGE OF FACTS, AND NOT FALL IN THE EASIEST WAY OF CONDEMNATION….

 We have to find ways not too sink in a deep solitude which is a great danger in these times of dramas due to the  Pandemic and the need for a new society,  but unfortunately the answer from too many of us is to find refuge in solitude…                                   

 Let us remember some of the quotes of my past:

Price of freedom is solitude

Solitude is an art

Solitude is the nest of thoughts

But also let us keep in mind:

Solitude of the mind is real solitude

Crowd is solitude

Solitude is a jail

Solitude is a tree without fruits

Who understands humanity looks for solitude

Solitude of God is his strength

In solitude we become suspicious

To be lonely is a choice, solitude is not a choice

Hell is in that word: solitude

Sadness comes from the solitude of the heart

 

We cannot fall in solitude and indifference, we should continue to question, and always remember that the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference…and the opposite of life is not death but indifference between life and death….