We live in an everyday life and a society where there are rare reasons to smile except to avoid drama…
But we should learn how to be able to still smile when the best of times is gone. Yes, we should learn how to smile even if the only thing left is the worst ending of what we once believed would be a life of achievements, recognition and love.
A life devoted to the arts or a cherished profession, very often devoted to help others, and sharing experiences and knowledge.
We should continue to contemplate new challenges even if what is left in life is strange enough that only anguish, anxiety and tears become the “modus vivendi” of every day…
Sometimes new challenges will not be offered, so it should be our duty to create them, and not to fall in the arms of despair and self-pity…
We should learn how to keep our dignity using every ounce of strength we possess and even if it is difficult or even sometimes seems hopeless, we should continue to advance in the path we created for ourselves pursuing the unfinished dreams and the unfinished attempts to become a real person, a real individual…
We should try to not turn back too often to look at the dramas and catastrophes a long existence can create for us, and if it is sometimes difficult to digest the denial of life that others have brought to us, at least we should use it to become more generous in our judgments of others.
We should also try to hide our tears and our pains facing a destiny disarming us and we should accept the reality that we have lost forever the innocence of our beginnings…
We should learn how to hide our sorrow under a new reality and try to make this new reality the new path of life and find new ways to fight the possible new monotony of life….
We should learn how to stay calm and in control and try to manage a wounded heart and a wounded mind in order to survive with pride and assurance, ready to endure and confront the next denial of our being…
And when time comes, we should learn how to leave the table of life when life is not anymore and learn how not to hang on, trying to have sympathy or pity or feelings from others…
And more than anything we should learn how to hold back on the yelling of hate, trying not to become like the ones who are making definitive judgements with no real understanding of facts, no real knowledge of situations, not even another opinion or possible view…
YES, WE SHOULD LEARN, WE SHOULD, NOT AN EASY TASK, NOT AN EASY WAY TO GO ON WITH THE LONG JOURNEY…
Sometimes it seems that I was twenty years old yesterday when I was caressing time and playing with life the same way some people play with games…
I was living at night without counting the days, these days disappearing at a fast speed in the adventures of each hour…
I had so many projects, trying incessantly to have them realized, and made so many attempts to invent new ways and new looks at the world, most of it stayed in the fog of impossible dreams but many went on and extend my development as a man…
I had so many hopes for a possible better life, better luck in the future, better accomplishments, better beliefs that the world sometimes can be giving, or even sometimes the world could be generous, and most of it I had big hope for a better Moi…
Yes, some of these hopes were realized, many flew to the wind in the unknown world…and very often I was still looking up for them, trying to see where they went, and hoping that if it could possible for me to grab them in the skies, to achieve them and even own them…at least for a time before the next ones….
It seems sometimes that I was twenty years old yesterday when I was wasting my time in futile adventures and useless encounters, discovering the imaginary world and the real world, looking for the unknown and some possible truth, and most of the time not finding it, believing I could stop the time by denying it or ignoring it…
Trying to find the possible truth and sometimes became breathless in this difficult search, using my ideas and the experiences of the past and discovering the new ones who had something real in them…
I believed I knew better so I could take risks with events and people, I could confront everything, I could face any obstacle, and I believed I was gifted… Yes, I believed I was gifted because I…I really do not know why….
Yesterday I was twenty years old and I spent a lot of my time doing useless and crazy things leaving nothing tangible inside, may be just wrinkles on my face, but the fear of boredom, the fear of others, the fear sometimes of just being still alive were never assaulting me…
So many people around me, family members and friends are gone and will not come back but they are still present in my heart and in my thoughts, they are the reasons I do not feel emptiness and nothingness.
I will freeze my tears and I will continue in what is left of my life to notice the good in people and deal with the refusal of some to look at the possible truth.
Youth is only a state of mind.
Of course, with time, yes with time, many things seem to fade … We can forget the faces of people and we can even forget the voices, but they are now part of us, we are who they were…. If the heart is not beating the same way, it is still beating and we must look for further signs of existence, a replacement will come, and other stories will be there again…
With time, all of it become part of who we are, the dreams and the nightmares, the successes and the defeats, the hopes and the doubts, the fears and the trusts…Some will be hidden in the rain or the clouds and while they do not seem to be with us, even if makeup added by the years is now on their faces, they are there and recognizable…
With time everything could vanish, even the best memories can have now a different appearance, but they are there…
With time, we must continue to believe in the meaning of the words: friendship, love, and passion and hear every day some voices whispering to our ear” be careful… take care of yourself… do not catch a cold… you are a friend… I am thinking of you… I like you… I love you… I admire you… Where were you all my life…”
With time we can feel like a tired animal and we could be looking for a possible icy bed. We could feel very alone and almost quiet, yes finally mute or muted... but even if we spent many years lost in shattered skies, life did not betray us, life did not abandon us, life is still ahead with new possibilities, new challenges, new unbelievable gifts…
Especially if we have the gift of another member in the family, a new arrival… Life will go on, life will be full of happiness, full of cherished moments, by just witnessing the continuation of our life… A NEW BORN CHILD… Oh I am now in total peace…Thank you for this gift, thank you for making me a new man with other priorities and other dedication…
