FEAR !!!!!!!!!....

How can we define fear?  What is the meaning of fear? Can being cautious sometimes be defined as being fearful?  It seems that each day a new fear is assaulting us: fear of diseases, fear of others betraying us, fear of relationships going wrong or even right, fear of failing in our profession, fear of political issues, fear of honestly exchanging ideas, fear of being direct in our opinions, fear of being funny, fear of life and death, fear of the consequences of talking about certain subjects with the people involved, fear of friendship, fear of everything.                                           

Fear, fear, fear, fear!!!!

Why are we so fearful? Until very recently I had no fear in my life and behaved like nothing negative could ever happen to me!                                                                                                        

Is the world today more dangerous than it was in the past? Is society more threatening?  Is the perpetual judgement of others of all our actions or thoughts so intense that it creates a world of questions, doubts and instability?                                                                                                            

In my youth, I had no fear … In my teens, my family arrived in a different country as foreigners with nothing, and almost immediately I had to deal with major traumas and death, but I always took risks trying to survive, to be inventive, to be challenging to myself and sometimes to others with of course consequences, and yet I never felt fear.

Maybe I had no choice or time for it?

In my early twenties hitchhiking from Paris to Istanbul or from Paris to Kabul or from Paris to Nairobi with $3 in my pocket, sleeping anywhere, talking to whomever was crossing my path, taking so-called jobs to survive, even if most of the time I knew nothing about these jobs.  Only scars on my body and my soul are the proof that not always everything was perfect but I never really felt FEAR.                                                               

Nothing could stop me, I thought that nothing could happen to me, nobody could really hurt me or endanger my existence, learning from each experience about life and others, building my reservoir of thoughts, memories, feelings and emotions which would become so important on my path to be in show business and in my so-called maturity.                                                                                                                      

May be some people or many people called me a crazy teen, a crazy adolescent, then a dangerous personality, a crazy adventurer with no sense of responsibilities, no barriers in his imaginary world, no respect for others and perpetually attempting to discover the hidden side of things and people… But, I believe that I always respected others, I always took care of other’s needs, I always was considerate of others…I just had no fear about my next move, my next step, my own destiny, my thoughts to share with others even if I could sometimes feel the danger in the middle of an adventure... My everyday choices were made without the fear of failing even if I had the knowledge of the possibility of it.

   

Later in my life I had no fear to change my country again, to go on to new adventures, to try anything new, to establish relationships with people who were so different to me, and even to learn to speak English - a task accomplished without fear. I made enemies and I am sure many people around me accused me of being impossible to deal with, a crazy megalomaniac and self-centered. I was throwing myself into new ideas, new challenges, news attempts to learn, to grow, to try, to…BE ALIVE. 

And all this went on for many, many years!                                    

Fear of lacking solutions to go on, fear of making the wrong move or the wrong decision never stopped me.                              

Doubts of possible success? Yes, sometimes…                              Questions about the purpose of the new adventure and the risk of a possible abyss? Yes, often…

Often loneliness while waiting for a result? Most of the time...

BUT FEAR? NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!                                                                                                                                                         

IS IT BECAUSE I HAD NO CHOICE????

AND THEN IN THE PAST RECENT FEW YEARS, FEAR STARTED TO ATTACK ME AND SLOWLY TRIED TO TAKE POSSESSION OF MY EVERYDAY THOUGHTS!

IS FEAR THE GIVEN RESULT OF SOME KIND OF ACHIEVEMENT? THE RESULT OF SETTLING IN A LIFESTYLE OF FINANCIAL, MORAL AND PERSONAL COMFORT? IS FEAR CREATED BY EDUCATION, FAMILY SURROUNDING OR THE ACCEPTATION OF SOCIETY’S RULES?  AND THE THOUGHTS OF MAYBE LOSING SECURITY?                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Are we more and more living in a secure “bourgeois” world where the possibility of losing our cell phone creates insecurity, fear and even panic?

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME???????????????????????????????????????????????????

Why in the very recent years I feel fear….                                      WHAT HAPPENED?????

Did society change very fast and dramatically and continue to change every day creating instability in acquired knowledge? Is knowledge not a guarantee of safety anymore? Do we even have a definition of knowledge or does that change daily, creating unbalance and fear? Do the chances given to us become nonexistent or full of negativity? Are people like I was cannot hope to function fearless of consequences? It seems that there is no truth in anything on which we can base decisions, everybody is throwing opinions about everybody creating new stories every day based on impressions and rumors! It seems that around me ALL are full of fear, of incertitude of going forward, of negativity about a possible wrong turn in an upcoming challenge.                                                                                                                                                                       

Myself I feel fear about a lot of things, about taking risks, about knowing new people since everything changes at an incredible speed.                                                                                                                                          

Did fear become a synonym to wisdom? Is now wisdom the perpetual attempt to balance between yes and no and maybe? Is Fear now the rule of life in order to advance in the world but actually we all forget that fear is becoming the paralysis of creativity?  

Are the consequences after making a mistake much more dramatic than they were?                                                                  

Every day I hear “I do not know if I should do this because maybe….” A common line today is “what if I do this because if not, what can happen?” and this question too often prevents people to take a decision or to make a step in a new stage of life.

It seems that everybody (including me) is afraid of creating new relationships, tempting new challenges, afraid of giving himself, afraid of hearing the truth, afraid of having a real conversation about life and needs, afraid of criticism, afraid of honest feelings, afraid of hurting, afraid of sensitivity, afraid of talking in person, beyond social media.                               

Social media gave everybody the protection of not having personal involvement with the appearance of freedom of thoughts and judgments.

Are my fears, since I do not use social media (I am very scared of it), probably due to my old age?             

 Is older age the reason of this new feeling? I honestly do not think so even if my body is shrinking, my nose is longer every day, wrinkles are invading my face, and hair is leaving my head. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if this face is really the face of the guy I knew before? The one who was afraid of nothing for so long and most of his life? Maybe it is due to a beginning of dementia, or Alzheimer?                                                                       

The fear of death is a perpetual feeling every day, is it a normal sensation or the consequence of the disappearance of most of my best friends in the past few years? Can I say that they died in order to give me a longer life since we owe to humanity a certain amount of deaths? Do I have to be afraid of death or should I take it as a normal way of leaving the world and the passionate life we had and still have?           

 If fear today is a normal way of existing, maybe for all of us it is time to deal with it, to master it. We cannot ignore it, it is present in our daily life…  But we cannot be overwhelmed by fear and become its creature, we have to use it…So, let’s hold it in our hands, let’s look at it, study it and find its weaknesses… Let’s make fear a way of pondering about the next step, the next stage… Let’s make fear an ally to our next decisions and a second person for advice… Life goes too fast to be shadowed with fears!