QUE SONT MES AMIS DEVENUS?????

QUE SONT MES AMIS DEVENUS?????
 What happened to my friends?

 I went to bed last night with a song on my mind, actually just a few words of the tune: Que sont mes amis devenus? It was dancing in my head again and again, like an obsession… I had not heard this song in thirty years but I could not stop having this tune in my brain… AMIS, AMIS…. I could not get to sleep and was wandering in my memories …Who are my friends today? Who were my friends in my youth?

I know that very often here, I have mentioned that I do not have many friends and actually never did… I was probably too busy with my own search for identity, too focused on my own problems, too preoccupied by the questions about tomorrow, too selfish, sometimes too judgmental, l was basically hard to take.

 Not too many friends… but I realized now that a few persons have been extremely important in my life, have given me friendship, have helped me trust myself and some others, have given me more positive thinking in my searches, have contributed largely to who I am now…

 Most of them have disappeared, swallowed by life, by death, by other people, by different interests or by being disappointed by what I was giving them… But I remember them with affection and pride, feeling often that without them I would be a different person and certainly I would not have completed many adventures I began. (Maybe some people will regret that).

 Almost every day I hear about a man or a woman I knew who passed away because of an accident, old age, or they got tired of the life he/she had….How painful it is to hear about the disappearance of people we knew, we respected, we loved, some of whom we could call friends. I wish I had been more available to them, I wish I had recognized in time what they had done for me, what they showed me, what they gave me now that they are no longer here.

 We become not only what we experience, what we go through, what we dream or dread BUT we are ALSO the result of all the influences coming from people we meet. Our life will be filled with huge regrets, self-punishment and even penalties if we live it believing that all is owed to us, that everything given to us is normal because we deserve it, and if we do not feel any kind of obligation by denying the input of others.

 I have reached the age drawing up a balance sheet of my life and I am asking questions about my passed life, questions about the men and women who have been important to me….this can sometimes be a source of sorrow and questions….I ask myself, who was really a friend ? Was I a friend to anybody? Was I present when somebody needed me? Of course, I am sure I brought certain things to some people, but FRIENDSHIP?

 Yes, many, many individuals are close to me and can be called friends and I believe like me, or respect me, or find me interesting, funny, or whatever… But are they friends? What does that really mean: the word friendship? Are they ready to sacrifice anything for me and am I ready to sacrifice anything for them? Will the world change for them when I pass away, and if yes, for how long, an hour? A day? A month? A year? How long will I be present in their thoughts or their hearts? I have a few people who have disappeared from my life but I realize that they are still present in my thoughts and they have changed my way of being, of thinking, of feeling:

 Roger, I do not know where you are now, but if you read this, know that I am thankful to you for what you did for me all the years I spent in Montreal… Montreal was a very difficult period for me, a rich artistic time of great achievements, but a very lonely life, and very isolated. Not only you believed in me professionally and gave me all the possible freedom in my responsibilities as general director of the opera company, but you also gave me personal support, affection and an always ready presence if needed. You understood my temperament, not always easy, you were always ready to share a meal or to talk about life and laugh with me…. THANK YOU ROGER

 Robert, my friend for more than 50 years… You are still here, we spend sometimes years or many months without seeing each other, but we know that we will always be around for each other. I never heard you passing judgment about me or my choices, never criticizing my actions but always ready to give your opinion and your advice. Always around in difficult times, always at a phone call distance; with time we had different life and different options but always with respect for each other. I know that if something happens to one of us, the other will be there if needed for our family. THANK YOU ROBERT.

 Roberto.... You are now a man with a family, you were practically a child when I met you. All these years I have seen you grow up, maturing, becoming a man and someone with serious repsonsibilities. You are like a son to me, but also a friend... always present, always inquisitive, always attentive to my needs...I sincerely hope that I gave you as much as you gave me, affection, respect, trust and understanding even without talking. I am proud to have you as friend, proud of your achievements as a family man and as a professional man. I look at your children and it makes me happy. THANK YOU ROBERTO for giving me that.

 Mark, you have been gone for many years…. You brought me your knowledge of music, your understanding of others, and your generosity towards life. I learned from you how to deal with traumas, how to respect different lifestyles, how to feel needed, and give affection with no second thoughts, how to share ideas and beliefs. I know I could have asked you anything, I know you could have asked me anything, I still smile thinking of you, I still quote you, I still repeat some of your words and some of your jokes. I miss you and will miss you to the end, you were a friend, a brother. THANK YOU MARK.

 Speight, David, Margaret, Jim, Michael, John, THANK YOU.

 It seems that in the new way of living, it is more and more difficult to have friends, even for the people who have a great capacity to make friends. It is ironic to see that in this socially connected world how truly hard this becomes.

 Am I once again projecting my ways or is it our superficial life style? Can we in this world of CHANGES really create special connections and special relationships with a few others?
 I still hear often people saying “my friend” or “friend from childhood” or “my best friend”, I am glad it exists and it happens. Be sure to keep these friends as long as you can and if you are separated by life, be sure to keep them somewhere in your heart or your memory.

 I know that sometimes because we all change, and because life imposes new challenges, new ways, new thoughts on us, some “friends” no longer fit our new needs, but let’s be sure to keep their memory close to us.

 This poem of Rutebeuf, was written in the 13 century

 "Que sont mes amis devenus
 Que j'avais de si près tenus
 Et tant aimés
 Ils ont été trop clairsemés
 Je crois le vent les a ôtés
 L'amour est morte
Ce sont amis que vent me porte
Et il ventait devant ma porte
Les emporta"

I KNOW THE FRENCH LANGUAGE IS SOMETIMES HARD TO GET, SO IT MEANS:

 “What has become of my friends
 Those who were so close to me
And that I loved so,
They have grown thinner
I think the wind blew them away
The love died off
Those friends that the wind brought to me
As it blew at my door
And then whisked them away.”

 A little sad but this is to be expected from a French poet… Very interesting to note that Love needs to die to disappear but the wind can blow friendship away... Is friendship so fragile? Is friendship a temporary feeling? Is friendship an illusion? Perhaps it’s a fantasy?

What about the people that we believe were friends and suddenly turn their back when we are not useful anymore, who were they? Just …Just what? I do not even know how to define them by a word….

So let’s just ignore it for today.