THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!

I have received many, many comments on the blog sent to me directly, many compliments and sometimes even revelations about aspects of life for a few individuals.

Others comment that some posts are being often sad, bitter or sound as coming from a depressed soul and these people worry about me, asking If I am all right, if all is ok.

Most of the comments about sadness come from people of my generation and not from the younger one, why?

Is it that the twilight of life generates fear? This twilight, darker by the day, becomes more somber, denser. Are we older people still able to think?

Can we still distinguish what is true, the meaning of truth, or even the nonsense of today life? We are hanging on lost moments, which cannot be recaptured... we feel that our creative forces are disappearing, are welting, are lost in pathetic daily routines.

Why do we believe that everything can or must last forever? Hours, days, years pass so fast and appear to be different and yet are still the same…

Was that sad, bitter, depressed enough?

Let me go on, so I can explain.

Do we go to rehearsals asking ourselves the reason of our presence, or the meaning of our absence in every day life?

We aspire to be number one, the "I do not know what" that everybody reveres and we succeed in being only a semblance of our desire, the approximation of a mirage.

Are we becoming a machine that pours fake knowledge for those who are  " hungry for knowledge" artists around us...and do they believe us?

They look at us and smile at the pleasure of being connected to the one who knows, or smile politely thinking that they were told to be good colleagues.

Was that sad, bitter, depressed enough?

Here comes a little more.

They look at me and wonder.

In the good cases: how does he know all this, where does that come from, he has so much energy, he invents all the time, he creates in a few minutes… they do not know, do not understand that everything is prepared, chewed, digested by years of repeating the same ideas, the same truth churned by an old mill serving cheap beer.

In the bad cases: I have to deal with this character for three weeks, I am glad I know what I am doing, god help me to endure the coming days, the end of this torture will be over soon.

I think I was enough of a sad, bitter, and depressed soul. Some can now say "you see what I mean, I was right"

BUT THE REALITY IS:

I am not sad, I am not bitter, I am not a depressed soul. I have to disagree with that, there is a difference between being depressed, sad or bitter and being clear about the world we are in.

Everything has many possible approaches, many possible interpretations, many possible ways of living it, many explanations. The difficulty is to find OUR INDIVIDUAL TRUTH, OUR PATH, OUR SECRET KNOWLEDGE.

Yes, the dusk of life is sometimes frightening but becomes exhilarating if we use it to share what we know, what we learn, what we believe. 

The creative forces are not melting: they are and should be channeled in the right direction, the direction of helping those who need it.

Hours, days, years pass but are not the same, one hour of total truth in a rehearsal, one day of giving is an accomplishment, one year of knowing that the pyramid of our life is higher even one inch IS WORTH IT.

We are not repeating the same ideas because ideas are never the same; they become colored by the one who receive it.

We are not pouring fake knowledge over virgin souls, we are giving our knowledge always adapted to the one who receives it.

And it is never the same.

They do not smile because they are connected to the one who knows, they smile because they just found with our help another layer inside them, another possibility for existence, another way of expressing a moment, something they did not now about themselves or about the character.

They do not smile to be good colleagues but just because they wait to see if this experience will be rewarding.

Yes, we create all the time because the others give us enough to rethink, to relive, to reinvent what we know, it is an exchange, a gift to each other, we feed each other by the mechanism of rehearsing, It is a constant growing.

So many times we feel that a new light sends meaning into a dark corner, even if we know this corner extremely well, because the other, the director or the conductor or the performer opens himself to the others. 

Is there anywhere a bigger joy that living these moments?

When a chorus sings at the end of an ensemble "Freedom" and all raise their hands and look up on that word and we tell them "why do you do that? Is "freedom" in the air? Up in the sky? Or does freedom have a different meaning for each of you?

Think about what Freedom means for you and let yourself go! And suddenly 50 people bring to a word 50 possible feelings and interpretation, and they are totally alive and the scene has an incredible impact!

When Carmen uses the third person in talking about herself, to really reach for her other self and her personal story to deliver a specific line, it is chilling and NEVER the same thing. That creates a new interpretation of the moment, a new interpretation of the same Carmen and we made that happen!

Is anything more rewarding??

We are not pouring cheap beer, it is feeling what somebody or a group can do, can feel, can express and showing them the result of our assimilated knowledge, and they deliver it with their soul and heart and the understanding of what we do, who we are, what we want and where we go begins to grow again.

To do an opera 15 times, or to be at an information desk to answer questions for 15 years is always a new adventure IF WE LET PEOPLE EXPRESS THEMSELVES AND IF WE ARE READY TO RECONSIDER WHAT WE KNOW.

Memories of childhood, difficult experiences of life expressing a pessimistic view on the world and society, criticism of others do not come from sadness or bitterness or a depressed soul but from a human being who is always trying to know himself better, to understand his actions, to grow in a society in perpetual movement and evolution.

Somebody who wants to be an artist has to always keep in mind and in front of him his failures and successes, his hesitations and strong choices, his sorrows and joys, while he has to stay open to others, ready to accept, willing to change his Credo if necessary, and always prompt to give.

On the long way up to life, let's keep our spirit open, let's try to look at the world with generosity and tenderness even if sometimes it brings sadness or bitterness, we are after all HUMAN.

Yesterday was "Yom Kippour", in French "Jour du Grand Pardon".