Is it possible?

In a few weeks I am going to be 75 years old, how can that be possible? Where did the years go? It seems that yesterday I was walking in the streets of Paris as an aspiring actor, dreaming of success and achievements, hungry like a young lion lost in the wilderness. Wandering and wandering with in my mind the lines I had written when I was 20, these lines invading my memory  and my thoughts again and again:                                                                                                                                                        “ I had only one friend and he died, he was more than himself , he was also me and I cry at night but nobody knows about it. He was my friend, he was my brother , poor brother, I can see again your face with a generous look on your face, and we were happy . Brother will I never see again your generous smile in the immensity of life…I listen to the songs of life and the songs of death and sometimes the wind wants to comfort my tears, and I know that I have to keep hope alive because the ones who have built a universe together will find themselves again…My friend , my brother, I talked to you at night and your silence sometimes is so heavy and so cruel that I invent you next to me and I can finally see you.”                                                                                                                            For so long these lines were present in my mind but life taught me how to deal with loss and to continue to grow and  while the memory was still present ,it was not anymore an obstacle to the next chapter.

Yes, it is the last chapter of a very busy life , full of surprises , incredible events, joys, great memories and of course failures and dramas.

Yes I know,  I could go on for 10 or even 20 more years , but that will not change the fact that it is the last chapter of my life and these past few weeks I have been thinking a lot of all the years behind me,  while the incredible journey of what I call my life is so present in my mind and open questions.

Sometimes I wonder if Is it possible to have lived an entire life and arrive to the point where everything is a memory and every event can have some importance… 

And how to keep track of all these events? Are we totally responsible of all the choices we made or are we just the result of fate or destiny? Were all the choices made by necessity or just a need  for survival? Maybe it was pure ambition or desire to achieve and need to advance? Can it be that sometimes it was  just instinct or lack of thoughts?

In life we encounter people  who love us , admire us , think of us in difficult moments but we cannot make a rule of that , the opposite can happen… 

Is it possible to accept that sometimes in our life we did not realize that people around us can have their own needs and their own dreams and their own necessities and we have to respect it?

WE NEED SO MUCH COURAGE TO  REALIZE THIS AND TO  DEAL WITH IT.

 In life Courage has to be the definition of behavior, every day we need courage to confront new situations, new people, new events , new challenges etc.… but are we really ready for it? How can we use courage to face ourselves and others in the possible negations of everyday life. 

Sometimes I wish I could be born again knowing what I know now and not be any more in the fog of knowledge, in the antechamber of wisdom and the darkness of ignorance and go on every day with decisions to make.. 

And how strange it is to know that some people look at me as if I am knowledgeable , almost a sorcerer when in reality I am not even an apprentice sorcerer… 
Too many times, very confusing thoughts make us dream even if dreams are only a hidden truth, the truth of the irreal. 

I often dream that I am loved by everybody or hated by everybody, sometimes I am the protector of everybody or protected by everybody.

Yes the challenges of everyday demand COURAGE in order to continue to function or even to survive….

Too often COURAGE is buried in our soul or our heart or our education because at one point we were told not to use it and  to hide it because of  possible repercussion in society and we should try not to express loudly what we think , what we feel, what we want.

But we need COURAGE to accept the events of our past life and its consequences since it is part of our own life and become the present…

Yes we have to digest the difficult moments and see the consequences and learn from it, and grow , and teach others what these kind of difficulties can create. 

Experiences of life can be the best teacher for the next attempt , the next experience… Especially today when rules have changed, and we function completely differently…

Is it possible to find the courage to know that we know nothing?

 Did I always accept that I did not know enough about a new chapter of my life and just plunged into it without thinking of the bad possible effects on others and on myself; Yes I did, no wonder that some people could not accept it and decided that I was a possible danger for their profession, but sometimes we have no choice if we are not given opportunities by birth or family or connections,  so we have to pursue and we have to create the new chapter!!!!!!!!!!. 

And deal with it in order to survive and to be....                                                                                                                           

With time I started to learn more before trying to…No, in fact I did not… I pursued this way of functioning all my life and added more enemies. Oh well!!

Is it possible to be able to say NO to new adventures or to new possibilities ? It should be. We have to learn how to say NO. 

NO to artistic openings when we know we are not ready for it or not even ideal for it…

NO to offers from some people to be a close friend when we know we have nothing in common…

NO when we do not feel we are strong enough to deal with novelty.                                                                                               

EVEN IF IT IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO SAY NO….

Is it possible to accept what is REALLY important for others? Even if for us it is not a priority or a necessity? 

Yes , to accept needs of others can be a major key in being respected in our world, especially today when everybody knows everything about every detail of our life…. 

For example, in the arts, we do not always agree with the success of one person, but if that one is celebrated by a majority, we have to accept it, we have to respect it and not deny it and go on with it ….

Is it possible to forget and forgive?  Can we really forget somebody who has been detrimental to our life, who has tried to ruin our life , our hopes to reach another step…

I do not think it is possible to forget, and to forgive  I will let everybody decide for himself….

Is it possible to know when creating is over?  Or should we decide to change the tools of creativity and adapt our mind , our talent, our impulse to other domains and continue to invent, to build , to grow in a new path?

 Creating should never be denied in our life but we have to try  to find what is still acceptable for others and possible for us.

Is it possible to know the role of each person in our life? Who is really what? How can we REALLY determine who is a friend, or a supporter, or just another soul who just want to know us? We change all the time , so do we have to rethink our relation with others all the time? How can we continue the friendship with some people when WE are or THEY are totally different of what we knew? Do we have to question the trust, do we have to demand all the time proofs of the friendship and acceptation of others?

 Is it possible to accept changes in ourselves? How can we deal with passing time and what we become from decade to decade? By looking at pictures of our youth or reading what we wrote in the past?  I do not think so!!! Denying passing time by ignoring it and continue to live like nothing happened? 

Is it possible to accept the judgements of others who are refusing to deal with us or are just dismissing who we were,  who we are  and who we became?

Is it possible to accept that life could be in the last chapter?

YES BECAUSE THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER POSSIBLE

 AND FASCINATING NEW CHAPTER