I look at the clock in the darkness of my room, it is 2 :30
am… Is it time to get up? Even for me, it seems that it is very early, much too
early…
I stay in bed, and I wonder: Is it time to start the day, I
have so much to do, especially since I have so much to say to some people about
what I think about their last idea, their last commitment, their last
adventure…They want my opinion, my “feedback” (God ! how I hate that word “feed
back”) but actually they want me to tell them that they did well, that they
took the right decision, that they are on the right track…
Is it time to tell them the truth about what I really think?
Is it time?
This question is haunting me now … How many times in my life
did I say IS IT TIME?
In 1961, my family left Tunisia after many, many generations
in that country to immigrate to France, but was it time? We were scared to live there; we had lost almost
everything, we were nobody and we had nothing. France was opening its doors to
us, yes, then IT WAS TIME.
In 1971, I left Paris and my burgeoning career as an actor
and a theater director to live in Boston and start a new adventure, was it
time? While I sometimes regret my acting career, and I will never know if I
missed the opportunity of becoming the new Marlon Brando, I very quickly grew
into my new life and found other ways to express my artistic needs. Yes,
PROBABLY IT WAS TIME.
In 1981, I left Boston, my university teaching job and my
theater company to live in New York and start a new career by directing Opera,
was it time? I think it was time to throw myself into a new adventure and to
try to conquer new territories, since my world was becoming sterile and
routine… YES IT WAS TIME.
In 1988, I left New York to take a big job in Montreal, was
it time? After all those years as a professional in the opera world while
depending on the decisions made by others, I needed to be totally responsible
professionally for my decisions.
YES IT WAS TIME.
In 2001, I left Montreal and returned to New York, and very
soon started an opera management division, was it time?
I don’t know.
In 2011, I started my own management company and went in
another adventure, was it really time?
After the experiences of the past 10 years, IT WAS TIME.
It seems that every 10 years or so, the question “is it
time?” becomes the center of my preoccupations and the trigger for a possible
new life…No, actually this question is asked every day, many, many times, even
if we are not aware of it.
Is it time to change apartments, to go on a diet, to stop
drinking, to change career, to change partners, to eat better, to avoid gluten,
to change my hairdo, to dress better, to go to bed earlier, to answer questions
asked to me, to work more, to work less, to realize that my career is going
nowhere, to become an adult, to take responsibility for myself and others, to
be more generous, to be more giving, to be less giving, to face reality, to
look at the world with more generosity, to forgive people who do not like me,
to punish the offenders, to say NO, to say YES, to accept the betrayals of
friends, to cherish the good ones and be thankful to the givers, to…to…to… The
list is infinite, and can go for pages or hours. IS IT TIME?
Every day, many times a day, we must make decisions and face
reality… Not an easy task.
Time is a relative notion, is the question irrelevant? Can
we answer by just saying: “When the moment comes, I will know if it is time.”
Certainly for the ones who are passive and are just looking
at life, it is a possibility, but for those who want to have something to say
about their own destiny and the paths of their life, it is not the best choice.
We should not be looking at our own image with indulgence because this image
could become the reality of who we are.
Must we take in our hands, make it our responsibility to
answer this haunting question: Is it time?
Some people spend their life refusing consciously or
unconsciously to act: education, fear, narcissism, religious belief, laziness,
or just ignorance prevent them to try to answer.
It is not easy to face reality, to try to know who we are
and how much we need, to go on to the next step.
Is it time to know what people really think of us? The
difference between what we believe we are and what we project on people is
immense…
How can I really make decisions about myself if I have no
idea how I project to people?
Of course, we project very often what people want to receive
and we are the result of who they are and what they believe…
But we cannot deny reality by hiding behind this idea.
Do others receive my everyday actions with the meaning I
give to them? It is time to work on this? Is it time to know?
Today, we are submerged with a million more obligations to
confront reality and life that even 20 years ago, or 10 years ago… and it goes
faster and faster, the notion of who we are and what we do and what we decide is challenged every day, every hour, every minute…especially
if we make our life public and at the mercy of all judgments.
Is it possible today to address this question IS IT TIME? Or
should we just continue blinded by self-satisfaction and the advantages of a
relative easy life with no fundamental questions?
We have to have the courage to address this question about
each aspect of our life, it is certainly exhausting but necessary and we have
to try to answer it… We cannot spend our life hiding behind an image, behind a
myth we have created about our self.
Many times, in different aspects of everyday life or even in
important decisions we know we are on the wrong path, we know it is time to act
or to change, but we continue to ignore it and we refuse to think about a new
way… NO MORE ABOUT THIS…
IS IT TIME???? YES, IT IS…
Is it time to accept that maybe we will not be successful in
the career we have chosen? Is it
time to confront the fact that often we live behind a curtain of
self-preservation? Certainly, it takes an immense dose of courage even to ask
these questions and an incredible strength to face it.
Of course, we cannot spend most of our life doubting
everything, and too much doubt sometimes fosters inaction, but we should know
when the question IS IT TIME? Truly becomes a priority.
IS IT TIME FOR ME TO RETIRE? Is it time to stop my
activities, to leave some room to a new generation? I have probably reached the
top of my possibilities and the culmination of what I can do…
So is it time to
stop?
There are other elements to the puzzle!!! The pleasure we
can derive in knowing that what we do is the result of a long experience; the
feeling that we can convey our thoughts to others.
I will always
have in mind the genial line of Edouard Herriot: La culture, c’est ce qui
demeure dans l’homme lorsqu’il a tout oublié…Culture starts when we have forgotten everything… what he means is: the accumulation of digested
knowledge becomes our entity and our identity… what can be for some a discovery
and hard work, can also become for others the elements of who they are..
And let’s not forget the perpetual desire to adapt to the new
needs and sensibilities of a new
generation, to find new ways of expressing our art and be able to try it.
NO IT IS NOT TIME.
It is now 5 am I the morning, is it time to get up? Yes, I
have a lot to do and to think about.
Is it time to stop writing the blog? May be.
